[ It will be two more years before Lucien's completely sure of his own memories and his former identity. While they resurface from time to time, the child still doubts their authenticity and wonders why they come to him. He'll often find himself in weird, meditative-like states, saying some things simply because he's instinctively compelled to do so.
As such, his answer to Dextera now will be less informed. Lucien thinks carefully about the other shardโ some of him still unable to recognize or acknowledge the person he shares his body with. ]
I feel empty if I take it out of me.
[ Is probably the best way to explain it. ]
But I don't really know who or what's inside it... maybe nobody? Maybe my shard is just broken in two or something, but I feel strange when it's not there.
[ Amazingly, he keeps speaking to Dextera as if they are long-time friends. ]
If I try holding it, it makes me feel sick and scared. I have this feeling like something really dangerous might be inside it, so it's better to keep it inside me instead where it belongs and the scary parts don't feel as strong.
[ He pauses. ]
It might be nice if the other shard was warm and friendly. Definitely not lonely.
[ lucienโs cadence does have a nice, calming effect, despite the distressing situation he describes. he canโt imagine what the other shard might be when lucien explains it as making him sick and scared, that this other shard is dangerous, but dextera is sure his brother would be different.
without knowing dark, dextera canโt offer any helpful explanation to lucien. he merely worries. ]
โฆIโm sorry.
[ he has the grace to apologize for making assumptions. ]
Itโs hard to carry two after all. Youโre a whole person.
[ it isnโt just the voice thatโs different. lucienโs entire presence has suddenly changedโor, no, even that doesnโt feel quite right. itโs someone else entirely, just close enough to butt in at a momentโs notice. ]
I'm not the one calling the shots, that's just how it is.
[ He senses some attachment to Lucien from Dextera that kind of reminds him of how it'd felt when he'd first met Yoko. That itchy feeling of being not the favorite of the two personalities. ]
He's fine, he isn't hurt. He's still me.
[ Defensively bundles themselves together now in attempt to make Dextera to like him... ]
dextera can feel that little flare of defensiveness, and itโs endearing if he imagines lucien, but the voice heโs hearing from dark is so utterly different that he canโt actually make the image match for long. ]
Heโs you?
[ itโs not entirely impossible to understand, but heโs baiting more details. ]
My consciousness reincarnated into the same human soul as him, so yeah. We're the same person.
[ For now and because it's confusing to even himself, Dark doesn't drop the deets on the kid's secret self-awareness. Lucien has addressed Dark directly a couple of times in their headspace before now but otherwise ignores him. He must not like him very much... ]
That's why we wound up with two shards but one body. You were really interested in that, weren't you?
[ dextera doesnโt like dark having that knowledge. it feels as if someone has eavesdropped on a private conversation, even if what he says is true and couldnโt be helped. ]
I guess you weren't planning to tell either one of us. Of course we'd be interested when you react to it the way you did. Does this mean we've got to start keeping secrets too?
[ dextera doesnโt feel that itโs a matter of sensitivityโฆ but maybe he is being emotional about this. he thinks he deserves to. ]
I would have told Lucien.
[ he realizes, of course, that this means the other personality would have known is this conversation is any indication, but now heโs just being petty. ]
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no subject
Date: 2023-05-29 01:46 pm (UTC)As such, his answer to Dextera now will be less informed. Lucien thinks carefully about the other shardโ some of him still unable to recognize or acknowledge the person he shares his body with. ]
I feel empty if I take it out of me.
[ Is probably the best way to explain it. ]
But I don't really know who or what's inside it... maybe nobody? Maybe my shard is just broken in two or something, but I feel strange when it's not there.
[ Amazingly, he keeps speaking to Dextera as if they are long-time friends. ]
If I try holding it, it makes me feel sick and scared. I have this feeling like something really dangerous might be inside it, so it's better to keep it inside me instead where it belongs and the scary parts don't feel as strong.
[ He pauses. ]
It might be nice if the other shard was warm and friendly. Definitely not lonely.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-30 04:29 pm (UTC)without knowing dark, dextera canโt offer any helpful explanation to lucien. he merely worries. ]
โฆIโm sorry.
[ he has the grace to apologize for making assumptions. ]
Itโs hard to carry two after all. Youโre a whole person.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 10:43 am (UTC)That's okay. You don't need to be sorry.
[ Lucien contemplates their conversation up until now. ]
Are you hoping for someone else's shard to keep you company?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-06 06:55 am (UTC)โฆyes. I think it would be nicer than just living with someone.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 01:21 pm (UTC)[ Dark Schneider jumpscare. ]
(1/2 )
Date: 2023-06-07 01:42 pm (UTC)( 2/2 )
Date: 2023-06-07 01:43 pm (UTC)[ it isnโt just the voice thatโs different. lucienโs entire presence has suddenly changedโor, no, even that doesnโt feel quite right. itโs someone else entirely, just close enough to butt in at a momentโs notice. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 01:46 pm (UTC)[ Dark loves to shock people, even if it's long distance and through communion only! He can only imagine the face Dextera must be making. ]
Don't worry, I'm a way more interesting character. I'm the protagonist! Lucien's just my plot device.
[ He presumes so, anyway... ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 02:57 pm (UTC)Thatโs no way to talk about the person youโre sharing a body with.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 03:02 pm (UTC)[ He senses some attachment to Lucien from Dextera that kind of reminds him of how it'd felt when he'd first met Yoko. That itchy feeling of being not the favorite of the two personalities. ]
He's fine, he isn't hurt. He's still me.
[ Defensively bundles themselves together now in attempt to make Dextera to like him... ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 02:38 pm (UTC)dextera can feel that little flare of defensiveness, and itโs endearing if he imagines lucien, but the voice heโs hearing from dark is so utterly different that he canโt actually make the image match for long. ]
Heโs you?
[ itโs not entirely impossible to understand, but heโs baiting more details. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 03:44 pm (UTC)[ For now and because it's confusing to even himself, Dark doesn't drop the deets on the kid's secret self-awareness. Lucien has addressed Dark directly a couple of times in their headspace before now but otherwise ignores him. He must not like him very much... ]
That's why we wound up with two shards but one body. You were really interested in that, weren't you?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 03:38 pm (UTC)โฆitโs not your business.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-16 04:15 pm (UTC)[ UNHAPPY THAT DEXTERA BECAME NOT AS NICE. ]
I guess you weren't planning to tell either one of us. Of course we'd be interested when you react to it the way you did. Does this mean we've got to start keeping secrets too?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-18 11:09 am (UTC)I would have told Lucien.
[ he realizes, of course, that this means the other personality would have known is this conversation is any indication, but now heโs just being petty. ]